I’ll start with this — I never expected this from myself.
Growing up, I was a freakishly competitive kid.
I grew up in a family that placed a lot of importance on academic and career success. I calmed down a lot by the end of high school, but one of my first distinct memories of college is logging onto a professor’s office hours and having a conversation that went something like this:
Uma: So, how do I do well (read: get an A) in this class?
Professor: Well, I find that I do the best when I eat well, get a good night’s sleep, take care of my—
Uma: (Now thinking that this professor sounds like an actual dad) *Laughs at professor’s face*
To be fair, I was going through a lot of shit at the time this professor told me that “taking care of myself” would put me on the path to success. Him telling me that felt like a joke. Or maybe like salt on wounds still far from fully healed.
Fast forward a year and this professor — who shall go unnamed and hopefully never finds this weird ass blog — is probably one of my favorite people at my school. His advice didn’t instantly change my life, and I still slogged very hard for my grade in his class, but he turned out to be right. I just had to learn it the hard way.
And so, one year after this conversation with him, one year after several months of grueling, gut-wrenching failures that I genuinely feel have altered my life in irrevocable ways, I have decided to quit.
What the hell are you quitting, you may ask. Fair question. I’m being very vague about all of this, but don’t think the internet is the greatest place for me to mind dump.
I am quitting any group or organization that makes me feel like trash, even if they might be a good resume boost or earn me recognition. I am quitting any situations that don’t make me feel good about myself and life. I am quitting prioritizing work and money and career success over my personal wellbeing.
And it really sucks, and it’s hard and it’s not a decision I ever predicted making. Work used to be the sole place I derived my happiness and self-worth from. I kind of feel like a failure right now.
But I’m still quitting.